SEGWAYS

I'm waiting on these three people at lunch. They're about in their late 20s and really laid back. They say it is one of the girls' birthdays, so I suggest they have a drink since the cocktails are awesome.

The guy says with a smirk, "I'm not sure if we should. We're going on a segway tour later."

I can't tell if he's serious or not. No one laughs, they just all smile, perhaps ashamedly.

So I say, "Aren't those things basically impossible to crash?"

He says, "Maybe so, but we probably shouldn't push our luck."

FIXING THE ICE HOUSE

This fine afternoon I was eating leftover sushi on my front porch while my roommate and her girl read books. We were all startled when a brightly dressed hobo with a walking stick hollered at us: "Can I borrow a dollar?" 

He seemed annoyed when my roommate and I told him we didn't have any money, and he felt he needed to justify his request. "My debit card stopped working." Disdainfully he added, "You really need to fix that ice house," in reference to the old igloo-like chiminea in our yard. 

Our ice house is just fine, thank you. 

THINGS WE SAID TODAY

I'm talking to a lady sitting alone in the restaurant where I work. She gets a call and says, "Hmmm. 759-.... This number sounds familiar." She picks it up and when I return she says, "It was my ex-husband."

At the middle school, a group of kids come over to my board game table. I ask them what they're going to play, and they say they're going to LARP. I say, "how are you going to LARP inside? I thought that was an outside thing with costumes and fake weapons." One of the boys says, "We'll just talk like this...." (insert Shakespearean voice) "Will you be the eagle or the lion?"

LIL' BOOTS

GOOD FRIDAY

Today we went to see the passion play in Milam Park, San Antonio.

Babies were hoisted on shoulders.

Some women covered their heads.

Others talked on cell phones.

All I could think of was the patients at Santa Rosa who, looking down from their hospital rooms, saw Jesus being beaten in the plaza while the crowd yelled "Matale, Matale." 

A BRIEF TRIP HOME

Court and I come home for a day to find that my mom has installed a pull-up bar in the doorway of the guest bedroom. "This is how we're going to get ripped!" she says, but none of us can do a pull-up.

We go to see a re-enactment of the crucifixion downtown, and it ends up being hilarious. Afterward we debate if Jesus was wearing a wig, and I'm sure he was because his hair looked like it belonged to Farah Fawcett or a go-go dancer.

We agree that San Antonio never gets it right.

We eat at Mi Tierra. We go see the Danville retrospective exhibit at Blue Star. We look for shoes at Nordstrom Rack.

We have an Easter egg hunt, and in my eggs I find $18, a Cadbury egg, and a wind-up owl.

My mom cracks up and says, "At this funeral last week..." She tells us how the man next to her "sounded like a cartoon dog" when he sang the hymns, and she almost lost it during the service.

We go see a dinner play of the works of Shakespeare abridged into an hour and a half. The comedy trio drags me out of my chair to play Ophelia, and my family lets me hang out to dry. I embarrass myself.

SURPRISE

When I was leaving my lunch shift, the stairwell to the parking garage smelled like fresh, tropical pineapple-- a confusing yet pleasant surprise.

At the middle school, we attempted to raffle off an absurdly huge chocolate bunny in a wicker basket. We called out numbers in vain, and by the time we announced a number someone could claim, one of the students had stolen the prize. I laughed about it in the back of the cafeteria as my boss preaches into a microphone, "Whoever took that bunny needs to give it back!"

FORTUNE COOKIE

Good work, good life, good love, good-bye oppression.

Sometimes fortune cookies can be so profound.