SXSW IS THE NEW CHRISTMAS

If you are over the age of 21 and live in Austin, you have probably experienced the magic of SXSW. Hoards of celebrities and out-of-towners always make things more interesting, and the endless party options make for epic mistakes. Free music, free food, free booze everywhere. It’s the cheapest, drunkest week of the year.

I had free BBQ at Latitude one day. Free Lonestar at Emo’s Annex for breakfast. Free Vodka and tea at the highly destructive Pure Volume. Free quesadillas and whiskey at the Parish. Free SoCo at Fader Fort. Free Mellow Mushroom pizza, cookies, Svedka, and Sullivan’s steak (!@#sfhb) at a poolside party. Not to mention bands were playing the entire time (even if they were fake Matchbox 20).

Now I’m offended when I go out. I order something, and I’m like, “This drink is how much? Three dollars? Who do you think you are?” I feel like holding up my arm covered in crappy paper wristbands and glaring at them like, “Don’t these mean anything to you?” Now I’m appalled when the bartender won’t give me two cups filled to the rim with vodka. I’m like, “What’s the problem? Oh, what? There are rules here all of a sudden?”

I have been badly spoiled. But now the gift giving is over, and I sit sour-faced and disdainful of prices and fees.